Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
