im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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