Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
