At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
