Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize