i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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