Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I only lived at night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
