Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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