Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
