shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize