the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
