Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
