guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
