Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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