you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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