p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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