You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
