The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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