you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
