so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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