Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
