I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
