I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
did i just pee glitter
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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