my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
