It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
