so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
