I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize