She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My bed smells like the plague
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
