This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
