Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hippo gnu deer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
