this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
