I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
