woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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