Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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