I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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