just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
