yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to make out with him forever
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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