you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
