i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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