Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
