this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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