I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Four minutes until I can fart!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
