Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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