Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
