I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
