You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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