apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
