the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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