You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
