I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
