I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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