...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
