I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
