my vag is so smooth its legendary
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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