So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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