SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
