his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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