i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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