do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
