Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
