I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's the barista slut.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize