I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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