Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
