i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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