Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
