Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
