dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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