And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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