Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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