2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
